


Reasonable and Adult™

by raendown



Series: The Autocorrect Series [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 00:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12759597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raendown/pseuds/raendown
Summary: Part Three of the Autocorrrect Series.A discovery is made but not by them.





	Reasonable and Adult™

When they left her place Mito had already seemed reluctant to take part in this, although Hashirama couldn’t see why. He had called Tobirama’s phone several times and for each call there had been no answer, which was extremely odd for his brother. If Tobirama were already in bed he would have turned his phone off like usual and the calls would have gone straight to voicemail. The situation was just strange enough that Hashirama had worried himself in to going home in the middle of the night.

“I don’t understand how you can be so calm!” he insisted as they sped along the road he had lived on since he was young. Beside him, Mito’s head turned as she watched something pass them by outside.

“Something tells me Tobirama is just fine and will not appreciate you bursting in to check on him like a little child left alone for the first time.” His girlfriend arched one shapely eyebrow at him but Hashirama shook his head vigorously.

“He could be hurt! He could have hit his head!” They flew in to the driveway, slamming the brakes and jerking to a violent stop. “He could be lying on the floor bleeding and unable to reach his phone as we speak!”

Mito only shook her head again as she followed him out of the car. Hashirama just didn’t get why she seemed even more relaxed now than she had when they left her apartment.

The front door was locked, which was a good sign. At least that put all theories of burglary out of his mind. All the lights were off on the lower floor and Hashirama fumbled a little as his fingers searched for the switch next to the door. Once he had flicked it he poked his head in to both the living room and the kitchen. There were no signs of life in either room so he headed for the stairs. Behind him, the shuffling of Mito’s feet veered off towards the kitchen. He paused on the first step to look back at her and wave her onwards.

“I already checked in there,” he called as quietly as he could.

“You can go check upstairs on your own,” she replied at regular volume, her voice extra loud in the stillness of the night. “I believe we’re all going to need some strong tea after this.”

Baffled but unwilling to waste any more time, Hashirama left her to it. His girlfriend was strange sometimes but he loved her and trusted her judgement. If Mito thought tea would help solve whatever was wrong then he would let her make tea and forge on ahead by himself.

Instead of calming him, the sight of no lights on upstairs caused worry to grip his heart like a vice. Tobirama never slept with the light on but that didn’t mean that something still couldn’t have happened. Maybe he’d suffocated in his sleep! Maybe he’d had a bad dream and rolled over only to hit his head on the bedside table! Hashirama had never liked that bedside table anyway. What purpose did it really serve other than to hold the alarm clock that hadn’t even been used since Tobirama had been a teenager and got his first smart phone?

Moving forward on his tiptoes, Hashirama hurried as quickly as he could while still staying silent. The door to his brother’s room was still ajar, which was another thing that caught his attention. Tobirama was very big on privacy and he always slept with his door fully closed so that Hashirama wouldn’t peek in on him when he got up to pee in the middle of the night. The fact that it was closed now could only mean one thing. Obviously the house _had_ been broken in to – through the back door!

The need for silence was thrown out the window in his rush to save his precious sibling. Hashirama threw himself through the door to his brother’s room and smacked the light switch with one hand, his other hand held out at the ready in case he needed to leap in to further action. The sight that met his eyes was not the sight he expected.

Tangled in the sheets on the bed and very obviously naked, both Madara and Tobirama groaned, scrunching their eyes closed against the sudden bright light where moments ago there had been the sweet peace of darkness. Madara curled himself up more tightly and turned his face farther in to his bedmate’s chest. Tobirama raised one of the arms he’d had wrapped around the older man and draped it across his eyes, mumbling nonsensically as he fought his way back to consciousness.

Hashirama saw red.

“WHAT THE FUCK MADARA!?”

What the light hadn’t done, the screaming did. Both men in the bed shot upright, instantly wide awake and staring wildly around themselves for the source of the noise. Somehow Tobirama managed to keep one arm around Madara’s waist until they both spotted the enraged animal standing in the doorway, slowly turning more and more red by the moment.

“You should probably run,” the younger Senju suggested lightly in his sleep-laden voice.

“BETRAYED! BY MY OWN BEST FRIEND!” Hashirama launched himself at Madara, who scrambled out of reach with an embarrassing shriek of fear. The slight jiggling of his bottom as he fled along the wall wasn’t exactly graceful but it was fascinating to at least one of the two who could see it.

“Get away from me!”

“My baby brother! Defiled! You’re not a friend, you’re a fiend! How could you!?”

Still tangled in his blankets, Tobirama heaved what was possibly the most exasperated sigh in his entire life. Considering who he was related to, that said something. It was just all so annoying. He’d gone to all the trouble of finally getting Madara here and now Hashirama was ruining it. Not to mention that his sleep had been interrupted and he already got so little of it; he didn’t appreciate the few hours he did manage to sneak in being ruined like this.

Lazily standing up and not bothering to cover his nudity, Tobirama announced in as loud a voice as he could without resorting to a yell, “Technically it was me who defiled him.”

That certainly stopped Hashirama dead in his tracks, giving the one he’d been chasing around the room time to scramble for cover behind Tobirama’s back. When he did manage to shake off the stupor as well as the mental image, his next attack was foiled by the sight of his sibling’s naked form. Giving a low cry, Hashirama covered his eyes with both hands.

“Put something on!” he shouted.

“Not until you agree to sit and talk about this like reasonable adults,” Tobirama replied calmly. “If you cannot manage either ‘reasonable’ or ‘adult’ then you are welcome to leave us be as I do believe that this is _my_ room and therefore _my_ privacy which you have invaded.”

“Just wait until I get my hands on you, Madara!”

From his position hidden behind his younger lover, Madara stuck his tongue out at Hashirama even though he couldn’t see it at the moment. “No thanks, I’d rather have your brother’s hands on me.”

“Not helping!” Tobirama chided him tiredly as Hashirama gave vent to a sound reminiscent of an angry pterodactyl.

It took a lot more yelling and even more repetitive pleas for everyone to calm the hell down before finally Hashirama turned his back to allow the both of them to get dressed. He refused to leave them alone in the room in case they got ‘up to some sort of hanky-panky’, to which both of the other men snorted loudly.

Madara and Tobirama dressed themselves in silence, each glancing at the other when they thought they wouldn’t be seen. There hadn’t been much time for conversation the night before and with company that wasn’t likely to leave them alone there probably wouldn’t be any opportunity for a private talk about where exactly they were going from here. Obviously they were both attracted to each other and had been for some time now but neither of them had mentioned anything about dates or lasting relationships.

As was typical of him, Hashirama failed to pick up on the slightly awkward atmosphere when he finally turned around again to eye the two of them suspiciously, grumbling that they might have been kissing while he had his back turned. When all they did was roll their eyes and sweep past him out in to the hallway, he followed behind them and nattered on like an irritated squirrel. Threats and pleas and overly dramatic declarations of betrayal filled the air while the three of them trudged through the darkness, filling it up the empty hallway with their drama as they marched downstairs to the kitchen.

Mito greeted them with four large mugs of tea, the genius woman.

“Good evening boys.” The look on her face could not possibly have been more blasé.

“You don’t seem the least bit surprised to see me here,” Madara noted. She looked at him through a curl of steam and arched one perfectly plucked brow.

“Of course not, dear. Your car was parked on the road two doors down; rather hard to miss.”

Beside her Hashirama gasped and clutched at his chest. “You _knew_?” he demanded. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“And involve myself in something that is clearly none of my business? I think not. These two will likely thank you to butt your nose out of their business as well. It really isn’t your place to have a say in their relationship, don’t you think?

“Of course it is! The one who I thought was my best friend has clearly violated my poor baby brother’s innocence behind my back! Unforgivable!”

“Innocence?” Tobirama snorted in to his tea. “Surely you don’t still think I’m a virgin?”

Poor Hashirama’s brain appeared to stop for a few seconds, his face twisting in to some very interesting shapes before settling on devastation. “WHAT!?”

The other three looked back at him in disbelief.

“Noooooooo!” Trailing out his childish whine, Hashirama made as though to step around the table and engulf his sibling in a protective embrace. Tobirama fended him off with one foot while sipping his tea and gave him an irritated look.

“I’ve been a legal adult for years now and had several relationships since then. You cannot possibly have thought I never slept with any of them.” He rolled his eyes when Hashirama whimpered. The older Senju turned to his friend with one finger held out and a serious expression.

“You’d better have plans to make an honest man out of my brother! What are your intentions?”

“Oh for the love of God…” It was hard to tell who said it first since all three of the others murmured the same words under their breath.

Scowling when that accusing finger drew too close to his face, Madara batted it away as he snapped, “That’s none of your business! None of this is any of your business!”

“Well I’m making it my business! So? I never took you for the dishonest type to bed a man and leave him the next morning, _friend_. Do you plan to date my brother? Hmm?”

“Hashirama stop. Now.” Tobirama was having a little difficulty decided whether to sit straight enough to stand up against his sibling or shrink down to try and disappear in to his seat. “You’re making a fool of yourself so just put it down.”

Ignoring him, Hashirama continued to stare expectantly at Madara, who looked at the man next to him uncomfortably, unsure what to say. Right in front of two other people certainly wasn’t the place he had wanted to have this conversation. More privacy would have been appreciated, as well as more time to settle his thoughts than the ten or so minutes since he had been so rudely awakened.

Sitting entirely too still in the chair beside him, Tobirama was going though the same inner turmoil. Even knowing there was a potential for it to be extremely uncomfortable he had hoped they would have this conversation once they woke up in the morning. Ideally the conversation would have happened before they fell in to bed together but he was a man that preferred to grasp the opportunities that life dangled before his eyes. His accidental typo in their text conversation had opened a door he’d been struggling to figure out how to open for quite some time now.

Eventually the lack of any answer began to bother Hashirama and he narrowed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath in obvious preparation to begin yet another round of unnecessary yelling. Tobirama cut him off before he could start.

“Brother, enough. This is between Madara and myself; despite your attachment to me as a sibling this situation has absolutely nothing to do with you. Madara is in no way obligated to declare any intentions – or to _have_ any for that matter. Shut up. Sit down. Drink your damn tea.”

“But…I…hmph.” Chastised, the man in question sank down in the only chair left and huddled in on himself with an air of dejected offence. He turned his body towards Mito and tucked his chin down in a way they all recognized as his signature pout. No one paid him any mind.

Madara was too busy peeking sideways at Tobirama, a reluctant yet anxious expression on his face.

“You really think I have no…intentions?” he asked. “Even after, ah, all that?” Tobirama shifted in his chair but did not lift his eyes from the cup of tea before him and therefore did not see the way Hashirama’s head snapped back up with vivid interest, wide eyes shamelessly fixated on the both of them. Even Mito was watching them attentively in her peripheral vision.

“I’m hardly naïve enough to think that just because you find me attractive you must also be madly in love with me. Are we actually doing this right now? Can this not wait for a little privacy?”

“Fine. Come on.” Madara was up out of his seat and pulling on the back of Tobirama’s shirt – which he only just now realized was actually his own shirt – before he could second guess himself. The way the younger man had chosen to word his sentence gave him a lot of hope for a positive end to this conversation and made him braver than he might have been.

Unfortunately for both of them, Hashirama wasn’t having any of that. He too was up out of his chair in a flash, barring the way out of the room with both arms held wide open and a forbidding expression on his face. Mito sighed, the only one left at the table, and sipped her tea while trying not to look too interested in the proceedings.

“Whoa, whoa, where do you think you’re going?”

“To talk about it,” Madara growled, “like you so obviously want us to. So get out of the way.”

“No! You’re just gonna go get frisky or something as soon as you’re alone! I won’t allow it, not when I still don’t know if your intentions towards my brother aren’t just to get in to his pants!”

“Oh for _fuck’s sake_!”

Running on very little sleep and already absolutely done with this, Madara gave up. When he whipped around to face Tobirama the younger man jerked in surprise but had little time to do anything else as the next moment Madara had snuck a hand around the back of his neck and yanked him down in to a fiery kiss. Tobirama moaned. Mito only just barely caught herself from dropping her teacup. Hashirama screeched.

They pulled apart, both equally breathless, and Madara cleared his throat. “Uh…dinner?”

“Was that you asking me out on a date or were you just informing you of the last meal that you missed?”

“Do you always have to be such a pompous prat?”

“Yes.”

“I know,” Madara grinned. “I’m rather fond of it.”

“Dinner would be…nice.”

Before the moment could get too sappy Hashirama ruined it, as he was wont to do, with a sobbing wail that sounded something like a dying giraffe. He gave neither of his victims any time to escape as he threw himself forward and wrapped them both in a bone-crushing hug.

“My best friend and my baby brother!” he shouted in their ears. “I’m so happy for you two!”

“Funny, not the impression I was getting before,” Madara growled as he struggled to loosen the hold trapping him in this demented three-way embrace. Hashirama squeezed them tighter.

“Promise me that I can be the best man at your wedding!”

“Wedding!?” Madara screeched.

At the same time Tobirama asked blithely, “For which one of us?”

Hashirama froze; apparently it hadn’t occurred to him yet that he couldn’t best man for both of them. It took a few seconds for him to work through that idea and then suddenly he was wailing again.

“I can’t decide! How am I supposed to choose!?”

Finally deciding it was time for her to step in, Mito arose from her seat at the table and serenely peeled her boyfriend away from the other two to guide him in to her own arms. Hashirama sobbed against her shoulder – whether from happiness or sadness was anyone’s guess – and Mito calmly patted him on the back with one hand, making a discreet shooing motion with the other.

Neither Madara nor Tobirama were in any mood to look a gift horse in the mouth. They took her invitation in an instant, spinning around to tiptoe out of the room and head back upstairs. The sounds of Hashirama’s weeping followed them all the way up until they had closed themselves back in to Tobirama’s bedroom.

“So…are we…dating then?” Madara asked after a few seconds of hesitant quiet.

“Yes.” The decisiveness of Tobirama’s voice was a pleasant comfort after the incredible awkwardness of the scene below.

“And…are we going back to bed now?”

“Gods yes.”

Chuckling, Madara watched his newly acquired boyfriend collapse down on to the bed, turning off the light and moving to follow him quickly. Knowing that Hashirama might not stay distracted forever and come searching for them again, neither one of them bothered to remove their clothing before crawling under the blankets – but they also didn’t let the threat of that stop them from cuddling back in to the same position they had been sleeping in before.

With his head pillowed on Tobirama’s chest, which was clothed in his own shirt, Madara closed his eyes and allowed himself to smile in contentment. He could hardly believe the gift he’d been given all because of a simple texting mistake.  


End file.
